what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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