I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
