its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want nice things and good sex
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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