i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
