Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
