There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
