Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Randomize
