i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize