There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
