Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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