the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
