I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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