Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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