remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize