Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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