I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize