So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
zippers are such a cool invention
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
