I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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