If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize