put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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