Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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