ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
