You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
