fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
