So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
