Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize