Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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