Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize