even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
