Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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