My hand turned me down
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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