porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
