spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
