i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
