I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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