thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His nipple licking is glorious
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