UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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