I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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