I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize