We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
