It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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