okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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