Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
