I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it hurts more in the daytime
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I need a burrito and a hug.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
