seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
