hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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