when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize