The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
