i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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