i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
