Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
