South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
