remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
