I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
