yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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