That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
