Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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