i already hear my dad disowning me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
