Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
and you fell through a lawn chair
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize