yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
