This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
