i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
