just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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