I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
