i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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