my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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