paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
