Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
