How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
