Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
