So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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