I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
