The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
