Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
