You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
