Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize