tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just blew my weed a kiss
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
