I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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