how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize