If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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