??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
