we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
