I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize