i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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