Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
