i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
