Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize