Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
