So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
