My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
