So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
