i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Blood and glitter go together right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
