I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
