So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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