i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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