Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
