So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will be naked everywhere
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
