He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
