hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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