Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize