You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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