Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
