We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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