i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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