I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
