My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
