where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
