oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
