you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
