You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
